Twitterings and Uninformed Opinions

While for some lockdown has provided opportunities, for others it has presented difficult challenges on a daily basis. Here, Health Information Scientist Carolyn Sleith tells us how she has struggled with the change in her situation.



I had things the way I wanted them. It had taken me a while.

When I started as an information scientist ten years ago, it was a big wrench going back to work after being self-employed, a mum and a university student at 40. I live in Pollokshields which is about 30 minutes away from Delta House. The great public transport meant I could take the full-time job at Healthcare Improvement Scotland as I could drop my son at breakfast club on the way to work and pick him up from out of school care on the way home. He is now at university and I no longer need to be certain places at certain times to look after him. For this reason I was able to do more things that I wanted to do.

Like lose weight. Get exercise. And start a social media empire. That's right. I'm pretty big on Facebook. Or rather my page is. No one knows who I am. But my page has 76000 followers. Everyday at lunchtime and after work, before lockdown, I would go out and video the buskers of Glasgow. That's what the page is called if you want to follow - BuskersofGlasgow – all one word. Facebook and Instagram and TikTok. For two years I did this. I was getting pretty good at it. I have a network of musicians as friends. Some of them are very good friends now. I fitted my social media work round my hours at HIS. It also led to other opportunities like being on the guest list at gigs and having a radio show on community radio. I was happy.

Locked down and lonely

Then lockdown started. Overnight I was no longer allowed to even leave the house. Every musician friend I had was suddenly and devastatingly out of work. My job suddenly became much more panicked and intense, with requests from Scottish Government and urgent guidance requiring searching and sifting and an undercurrent of panic and stress all the time. Normally I'd get a break from all that and spend a few minutes decompressing and listening to some great music in the street. But that was not possible. It was long featureless day after featureless day. I didn't see colleagues. It felt like there was no support although we were all going through the same thing on our own. The isolation was crushing. I started earlier and earlier every day. I religiously took my one hours walk every day. When we were allowed out twice a day I started couch to 5K. I started to learn guitar (well all my friends play guitar and I just wanted to fit in). It's not all been bad. But I also had days when I just cried all day for no good reason really. I reinstated the daily cry that I used to allow myself when my son was small.

Normal, but not…

My friends, the bunch of adorable extroverts that they are, all struggled. I tried to help by being the wise old lady. I took a course on psychological first aid to try and be a better friend to them. We had a facebook live festival. It gave us something to do, some purpose. We even raised some money. We had zoom chats, drinking sessions, games of cards against humanity. Then lock down started to ease. We could meet people in the park. Then busking was allowed again. I could feel life returning to normal. I still feel horribly disconnected from my work team. Hours are so long and with a return to core work, I am still so busy.

But I still can't get my life back. The life I had worked so hard to create. My days are still structureless, featureless, grey. Long and hard. I still can't listen to the live music at lunchtime and home time. I still have no live gigs. I can't even go to the pub without making an appointment. Have you tried arranging a night out with friends when you have to book the pub? It's not easy. I used to take spontaneous pints for granted and now I long to just go to the pub on the spur of the moment. I have to start work early to take a two hour lunch break to come up town, make videos and then dash back home to finish work late. I can only do that a couple of times a week.

Missing the routine

I miss my team. I miss people not in my team. I miss the general chat. I miss the day being broken up by distractions and other activities. I miss my trip on the subway that marks the beginning and the end of every day. I miss my routines and rituals. Also some people have left the organisation since lockdown and I might never see them again and that makes me so sad.

With the news that we won't be getting back to Delta House till the spring I was devastated. The months stretching out in front of me through winter and Christmas just seem so interminable.

I know I'm not alone in feeling like this and if anyone wants a chat, I'm up for it. We can meet downstairs in Starbucks under Delta House, if you need to get out of the house. You can talk to the wise old lady, because she's lonely too.


Picture shows Carolyn and busker friend Gregor Hunter Coleman, a former X-Factor contestant and Buchanan Street busking regular.


Support

If you can relate to some of the experiences and feelings Carolyn has shared in her blog, please know that support is here.

If you'd like someone to talk to, speak to one of our Confidential Contacts, or come along to our Wellbeing Support Group sessions, which take place on Teams every Thursday afternoon at 4pm. We've also restarted our randomised coffee trials, a chance for you to connect with a colleague in an informal way. Finally our employee assistance programme provides you with free and confidential advice, including online counselling.