Cancer Diary - Part 1

On July 17th I went for my first routine mammogram. I will be 51 in October 2018. I decided to go for the screening as my maternal Aunt had breast cancer and there is sometimes a family link.

On arrival at the screening centre in Glasgow in Nelson Mandela Place I went to the waiting room. It’s nice there. There’s a courtyard garden and the radio is on low. From there I went to the changing room where I was told to take off my bra and put my top back on. Then I was to sit with the curtain open so they knew I was ready and then I would get taken through. When I was called I went to the x-ray room and took my shirt off. I was maneuvered into the machine and several pics were taken at various angles. I had been told that I might find it uncomfortable, but it wasn’t that bad. It was all over in 15 minutes and I was back out the door and back at work in no time. I had a very positive experience and went back to work quite happy.

Cancer Diary - Part 2

I went on holiday to France and when I got back the letter was waiting for me recalling me for another mammogram. This was three weeks after my first one. I wasn’t worried. A lot of people get recalled. I figured that I would get a repeat scan, they would say it was nothing and I’d be out the door. I went for my appointment on August 7th. When I got there I was picked up from the waiting room by a nurse (Margaret) who explained to me that I had been recalled because there was something on my first scan that they wanted to look more closely at and depending on what they saw in the repeat scan they would decide what to do. She was all very serious, but I was fine. Not worried at all. They redid the scan. This time it was painful rather than uncomfortable. I waited again in the waiting room and by this time there were half a dozen of us. We were all chatting and friendly. Some people had brought family members. That wasn’t for me. I had no reason to disrupt anyone’s working day for this, because at that point I still thought everything was fine.



I got called into the room to see the doctor (Dr Mary Todd) and she took a bit of a history and told me that Dr Lawson was going to look at the thing with the scanner (ultrasound) and if she could see it she was going to biopsy it. I am still okay with this as I had been lead to expect a biopsy from the leaflets I was given. So they scan me and spot it and measure it. It’s 8mm in diameter. Under local anaesthetic they do an ultrasound guided needle biopsy and put in a titanium marker to mark the place for later. After the biopsy I had to go back for another mammogram just on the biopsied breast so they had up to date images for the consultant.



Then the same nurse got me back in for a chat. This was way more serious. She said it was likely cancer, but I would get the results of the biopsy for sure in a week at an appointment at the New Victoria. I asked if it was likely to be a cyst and she said no. It was a solid mass, but tiny. She said the planning meeting was likely to involve a pre-op assessment so I should be prepared for it to take all afternoon. Then she said that this was a very different disease to a young woman presenting with a lump. She said that because they had caught it so early it would be simple to deal with and crucially she said “ You’re going to be alright.” At this point I was a bit numb. I couldn’t quite process what I was hearing. I went back to work and picked up all my stuff and told the others I was going home. On the way home I burst into tears at least twice. I sort of stumbled into the house in a daze. This was the day that was going to change my life. It didn’t seem real. Like it was happening to someone on TV.



When I got in I messaged my friend Juliet and then decided to phone my mum right away. When I told her I burst into tears again. She said she would come down for the planning meeting for moral support and to ask questions in case I became overwhelmed. When the boys got in we had dinner and I told them after dinner. They took it in their stride as I emphasised that I was “going to be alright”.



When I got to work the next day I handed in my self-cert sickness forms for the apt the previous day and for the planning appt the next week. I told my boss what was going on. I didn’t realise at the time but he was having trouble processing the information too as he later asked me to repeat the timescale for what was happening. Or he could just have been doing man-listening.

Cancer Diary - Part 3

On Wednesday the 15th August I was up early as I was nervous. I spent the morning trying to keep busy by checking my email, tidying the washing away, doing some prep for dinner in the evening. I drove to the subway. Normally I’d walk, but I didn’t really have time for walking. I went up to Buchanan St bus station and met my mum. We came down the road and got some lunch. We drove to the New Victoria infirmary and got to the clinic for the appointment in plenty time. When I was called I met the consultant (Mr Lazlo Romics) who said that I would have an operation in a month to remove the tiny mass which is cancerous as suspected. They would also take a couple of sentinel nodes for biopsy. I would have some hormone therapy (maybe Tamoxifen, maybe something else) as this was hormone receptive which was good and it means it will respond to treatment. I will have radiotherapy and then that’ll be it unless the biopsy reveals something more sinister, but that’s less likely as it’s so early stage. So in the spectrum of how bad this could be this is at the good end. Then I went off to talk to my nurse, Linda, and I asked all my questions about the treatment and likely side effects and how long I’d be off work and what the followup would be. I also asked her if it was likely to be familial and she said no as although my aunt had had it, she wasn’t a first degree relative. She gave me a load of leaflets and her number in case I thought of something else to ask or needed a chat. After that my mum and I had a cup of tea and then went to my pre-op assessment where I was weighed and measured and had my blood taken and BP done and answered all of the health questions, most of which were negative as I am in very good health. And it was a good job that I have lost 5 stone in the past year or so otherwise the operation would be much riskier. At the end of it mum and I agreed that in a shitty situation I was at the good end of it and that things would be alright. When I got home in the evening I told my husband and son what was happening and they have compartmentalised it and will deal with things when they have to.

Cancer Diary - Part 4

Now the waiting. I have been told that my surgery will be in a month, but I don’t have a date yet. I am telling people at work. Many know already because I posted it on facebook, so I have had a lot of hugs in the kitchen and two bunches of flowers. My main message is always “don’t be worried or sad, because things are going to be alright”. I have however had several emotional breakdowns. Once during a 1:1 with my boss. I had a difficult moment at SW when I won Woman of the Year without telling them that I had cancer. I also have had a panic about nerve damage in my arm as it’s in my dominant arm and nerve damage to my hand would be disastrous. Bad thoughts like that woke me early and I couldn’t get back to sleep.

Cancer Diary - Part 5

On Friday 24th August I got a phonecall from the breast cancer nurse that my appointment for my surgery is 730am on Friday 7th September at Gartnavel. So now it's real.

In the evening I was supposed to go to a wedding and normally I'd just force myself to go and then it would be alright once I was out. And I just could not force myself. I felt very guilty as I said I'd go, but I just didn't feel that I wanted to at all.